Stop and Think

Seriously? I've spent the majority of my latter 30 years just going through life without really thinking about what it is I am doing here! Granted, those of you who know me well, understand that I also spend my days consumed with when and how I will leave this world, but while living I have not so much as reflected, really REFLECT about what it is I am supposed to be doing.
This sounds deep, huh? Well, it is. And I'll tell you the background for it:
Considering how impulsive I am, I have a trend for getting all pumped up for something new and then letting it fade away when something else comes along. This is true for hobbies, people, furniture, wall paint, hairstyles, diets, etc...However, this has salso been true in my spiritual life and that is what I mean by stopping and thinking.
Greg and I have been a part of Seacoast Church Irmo for a few months now and absolutely LOVE IT! Not even for sake of having a place to belong to, which is fabulous, but the lessons hit home with me EVERY SINGLE TIME. We are in a small group and I suggested that the ladies begin a Beth Moore bible study. Thankfully they agreed with the newbie and we had our first session in Daniel last night...(hence the reflective spirit this morning). Now, I did many a Beth Moore study when Greg and I lived in Florida. We worked at a church that compares to no other, we were newly married, young, no kids, everything was fresh and I was super easily influenced. I longed to know the Lord and be around wise women who could not only tell me about ife, but show me b example what it means to be the coined "Woman of God".
Christianity, per say is not new to me. I love Jesus and have belonged to Him for as long as I can remember, but only recently have I realized that "belonging to a group" and saying a short prayer does not a relationship make! I'm beginning to understand, or at least work towards what it means to REALLY know the Lord. I've observed and absorbed friends' examples and advice. I watched and dabbled in groups of people who claim to know Him, but when I left my group last night I really had to STOP and THINK!
The conclusion: I don't KNOW Him at all! I don't KNOW the history. I don't KNOW why He chose me to be His youngin. I don't KNOW what it is He wants with me. But the difference between my past devotion(if you can call it that) and today is that I now WANT to KNOW Him deeply. Maybe it's the newness of the whole thing. Praise God that I still get pumped for these things. But I also believe that I have just been a very crappy person for a really long time and I have hold tight to His promise that there is way more to life than where I am now. I struggle with A LOT and I have a whole bunch of stuff to work through, so perhaps it's my turning 30, but I'm ready to live my life in a way that would make Him happy. Not sure how to do it, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

That said, as my friends, I want to be held accountable for the things I say. I want you to remind me when I engage in potty mouth, or begin to worry, or be negative that those acts and way of thought is not pleasing or Productive!