Worry and Realization

I'm such a hypochondriac! SHOCKER! But this morning I was putting my face on and noticed how big my face is. My lymph nodes are swollen and my neck is thick. I have the sniffles, but the first thing that popped in my stupid head is "I have lymphoma". I could not get it out my head. I went to my nurse at school today (and she knows I'm a freak, but is sooo nice in site of it) and said I probably have some drainage and not to worry about it! HA! Have you met me? I am a little scared, but I'm more upset that my mind goes straight to some tragic end. In church and in small group, we have been talking about storms in our lives and how the Lord works. So naturally I concur that all this "prep" talk is just to get my mind straight that I am heading for a major storm! I pray that it;s not and most people brush me off, but still...you just never know.

On a lighter note, I am actually happy in my life right now. I love my job and my church, family and friends. I really am very blessed. I've been on this fast for two and half weeks now and it ends this sunday. I haven't experienced the spiritual side of it, though. I don't know if I know HOW to have to have these deep thoughts with God-through the act of fasting, but I have come to realize of eating right and taking better care of myself. For that, I feel I have learned a little something.

I was so happy to hear a dear friend of my who shared a testimony with me today. She looked different and acted differently today. She told me that after 20+ years of marriage with a husband who puts her down and has kept her in a tailspin of low self esteem, she cried out to the Lord this weekend and He spoke to her saying "You are listening to the wrong words". Inaudibly, of course, but she knew this was His Hily Spirit reminding her that her worth does not lie in her husband. he's just a man. Her worth and yours and mine lie in our Father. Not in people, even our hubs. Who, by the way, we ladies typically put a lot of pressure on to be our saving grace. It is not their responsibility to fix us or to create esteem in us. granted, they shouldn't put us down either, but they are often times just kind of stupid :0) We shouldn't put everything in our men. They are JUST MEN. I've known this little fact, but self-loathing I am, I often forget this tidbit and rely on others to build me up. I'm going to try to see myself as He sees me. And I think it's our duty to our daughters, especially to teach this early on. Most little girls get their esteem from their fathers and when their fathers turn out to be "not so perfect", it just wrecks their little images! So, not that I am a feminist by any means, but it is important to realize WHY God lets US birth the babes and not those silly men!!