Internet, not my friend!

I'm a freak when it comes to heart issues. Me being a heart patient and all, I am determined to live my life waiting to die. This is a sick frame of mind, but it happens to be the only I have. So I've started palpitating these past few days, conveniently after I contacted all my old friends, had family together for teh holdiays, and celebrated my daughter's third birthday today. Do you see where I'm going with this??? (If you've kept up with my posts, you should). So today, I googled Heart Rate and find that the death issue I fear most actually exists and very commonly I might add. It's called Sudden Cardiac Arrest. I struggled with heart attack stuff, but then chilled out b/c I don't have cholsetrol or blocked arteries. But now this! This could totally happen to me. And the worst part is the first word...."sudden". My mind is spinning out of control about how I feel so trapped with the newfound cause of death I have detremined for myself. I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!
We just got back from seeing the lights at the zoo with some friends and their kids and I could think about was "this is it". I love my life when I'm I'm not obsessed about how it's going to end. I love my life so much that I don't want it to end. I know the Lord has plan and I also know that everything will work out in His perfect will....but this new obesseion SUCKS!
So yet again, I can't seem to take my own advice and I'm robbing myself of joy!